I started this blog a long time ago, but I have never had anything other than fickle thoughts to fill it with. And who really wants to read fickle thoughts? Unless you are an avid follower of Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton, in which case, I'm not sure why you're here. I'm not saying that they don't have anything worthwhile to say (or that I do), but they choose not to communicate their deep dark secrets with the world, and really, who could blame them. However, I'm not a celebrity, I don't have more than 100 friends on Facebook (by choice). I have learned over the years that weeding out my friends from acquaintances makes my life a whole lot easier. Even weeding out some of the people I thought were friends has been important for my well being.
This brings me to my point. The whole reason I wanted to write this entry was for this: I have a lot of respect for people who can apologize without making excuses, or making it personal to them. I recently experienced a situation where I felt the hard betrayal of a friend I have known for years, since we were little kids. It always happens that way doesn't it? It's never the one you've known for 6 months that betrays you, it's the one you've known for years. Or maybe the sting is just greater the longer you know someone. It leaves a wider gap in your heart.
So this friend did something stupid, and it had to deal with one of my close family members. I heard excuse after lame excuse from her. And not once did she offer an explanation, the only thing she offered was her "victimization" (more like villianization, to use my husband's word). And when I flat out told her that I was expecting an apology for what she did what I got was a lot of "I'm sorry that I'm not perfect" or "I'm sorry for this" or "I'm sorry for that." She was continuing down a path of idealization. She made a mistake, plain and simple, and she didn't own up to it.
I hear "them" say "I'm going to be the bigger person," usually that is just as bad as apologizing with excuses, but in this situation, I feel I was the bigger person. I apologized to her for hurting her (with my words) even though she was the one that made the mistakes. I didn't make excuses for myself. I owned my flaws. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm not going to apologize for it, either.
